(1988)

Submitted by Evan B

Pooper:
Sam Hell manages to kill the traitor Devlin and Commander Toty. The women all survive and Sam and Spangle profess their love for each other. Despite the fact that that they love each other, Spangle still expects Sam to fulfill his “duties” with the freed women.

Long Ending:
In the future, the world engaged in nuclear war and rendered most men and women infertile. The radiation also caused frogs to mutate into human-like creatures. At the beginning of the film, we see that the frogs of Frogtown have illegally armed themselves and begun killing humans.

Our hero Sam Hell (“Rowdy” Roddy Piper) is being brutally interrogated by a local police captain named Devlin (William Smith) for sleeping with Devlin’s daughter. Two agents from the female-run provisional government enter and stop the interrogation. They reveal that Sam is fertile (indeed, he impregnated Devlin’s daughter) and fertile men are a valuable and rare commodity and property of the government. They take Sam with them and essentially force him to agree to become a government-sanctioned breeder in exchange for his freedom. Sam is fit with a chastity belt and told that he is going to go on a mission into the wasteland of Frogtown where several fertile women live. He is accompanied by a govt. agent/doctor named Spangle (Sandahl Bergman) and a soldier named Centinella. Sam learns that Spangle can shock his manhood via the chastity belt, and if he walks too far away from Spangle or tries to remove the belt, it will explode.

On route, Spangle tells Sam that the fertile women of Frogtown have been taken hostage by the rebellious frog leader, Commander Toty (Brian Frank). Their mission is to rescue the women and for Sam to then impregnate them. Further, someone has been illegally selling weapons to the rebellious frogs. Amazingly, Sam is loathe to participate and dislikes Spangle’s clinical approach to sex. Nonetheless, he and Spangle begin to grow closer to each other and develop a mutual attraction, despite the fact that Sam has a brief dalliance with Centinella (who is infertile) and the fact that Spangle forces him to impregnate a random fertile female they meet along the way.

When they arrive in Frogtown, Sam acts as a sex-trafficker seeking to sell Spangle (Centinella waits outside Frogtown to come get them once they rescue the women). While there, they meet with a double agent, a female mutant named Arabella (Kristi Sommers) and Sam’s mentor, an old man named Looney Tunes (Rory Calhoun). The frogs tell Sam they resent humans for creating them and then forcing them to live as second-class citizens in the wasteland. It is also revealed that Sam’s daughter died during the war. Commander Toty’s henchman named Bull (Nicholas Worth) arrives and seizes Spangle to bring her to Commander Toty. Spangle is imprisoned wotj the captured fertile women and is told she will need to complete the Dance of Three Snakes to live. Sam is captured by Bull, who removes Sam’s chastity belt so that the frogs can study the technology.

Sam is freed by Arabella after the chastity belt explodes in Bull’s face, knocking him out. Arabella is then killed by Bull. Enraged, Sam kills Bull and goes off to rescue the girls. The girls perform a ritual that allows Spangle to tap into her primal passionate side (where she fantasizes about Sam) and she completes the Dance of the Three Snakes (it turns out that Commander Toty has three privates….). Spangle beats up Commander Toty when he tries to mate with her and reunites with Sam. Looney Tunes signals Centinella, who drives into Frogtown and evacuates everyone. Looney Tunes is injured in the escape and dies. Commander Toty recovers and gives chase. The heroes are about to escape when their vehicle is assaulted by a masked man outside the city limits.

It turns out the masked man is Devlin, who has been selling weapons to Commander Toty. He explains that the Frogs are buying the guns with Uranium mined under Frogtown and that he intends to build the first new nuclear weapon since the war ended. With the weapon, Devlin will force the world to accept him as Emperor. Sam fights and eventually kills Devlin. During their fight, Commander Toty destroys Centinella’s vehicle. Thinking the women have all been killed, Sam takes on Toty head to head, eventually throwing Toty off a cliff to his death. To Sam’s relief, Spangle, Centinella, and the women managed to escape just before their vehicle was destroyed and are safe. Spangle realizes that Sam fought for them without the coercion of his chastity belt, and the pair lovingly embrace. As they drive away in Toty’s Humvee, Sam and Spangle discuss their future. Spangle proposes a romantic getaway, but only after Sam completes his governmental “duties” by impregnating the rescued women. Exasperated, our hero Sam Hell gripes that a soldier’s work is never done.