Rock Jocks(2012)

SHORT VERSION:
John, Alison, and Danny prove the worth of the Asteroid Management Initiative (AMI) to the Department of Defense observer Austin when they save Earth from a huge meteor shower, and the automated asteroid-deterrent program, Skynet, that Austin wanted to replace the AMI with proves itself to be insufficient. Austin grudgingly tells John that AMI will have to do until he can find a suitable alternative.

LONG VERSION:
When Austin (Mark Woolley), the observer from the Department of Defense, conducts his interview with John (Andrew Bowen), John makes him admit that he aims to shut down the Asteroid Management Initiative (AMI) and then demands to know what he wants. Austin shows John a new automated asteroid-deterrent program that was set up in the lab earlier that day called Skynet (though he is unaware that the Terminator film series already used the name), which is designed to detect and destroy any asteroid that gets near Earth with no human involvement. He explains to John that the government bigwigs believe that, despite having no problem with cutting AMI’s budget, they need him and the other “rock jocks”, so he wants John to look over the data he has and endorse what Skynet can do so said bigwigs will be convinced that AMI is a liability and worthy of being shut down, and then he wants John to quit. He tries to persuade John to play ball with him by bringing up how he knows he hates his job and how it usually keeps him from properly performing his duties as a father to his son Dylan (Zach Callison).

Meanwhile, while John and Alison (Felicia Day) are out of the control room, Seth (Justin Chon) pulls an elaborate but cruel prank on Danny (Kevin Wu) by activating a no-win simulation he created to make Danny think a meteor shower is raining down on Earth, then faking a sudden death so Danny will have to take on all of the asteroids alone. Already feeling pressured to live up to the reputation of his father, who was a legendary rock jock, Danny becomes overwhelmed by this added stress and gives up, after which Seth gets up and mocks him for it. John and Alison return, and when Alison questions what is going on, Seth says that John gave him permission to run this new scenario. Danny runs off with Alison following him. Seth explains to John that he pulled this off to show that Danny can’t handle pressure, but John comes down on him for putting Danny in an unwinnable situation and not telling him that it was a simulation beforehand, and then Austin appears and points out that Skynet resolved the simulation flawlessly. John quits and heads up to his car to leave, and Seth believes that this makes him the one in charge, so he starts partying. However, he then gets stricken with diarrhea due to having eaten one too many spicy pickled eggs during his shift, and he retreats to the bathroom. Alison finds Danny crying on a couch, and he says that he can’t do this job because he feels like everyone wants and needs him to be as good as his father. She attempts to console him, saying that he is the best shooter they have and everyone likes him for who he is, herself included, and they and the world need him. He then moves in for a kiss, believing that Alison needs him in the romantic sense, but Alison quickly halts him by hitting him and says she needs him in the team sense, and tells him to get back to work.

John has difficulty getting his car’s engine to turn over, and then Smoking Jesus (Doug Jones) – the chain-smoking alien living on the base who helped create the AMI – approaches him. He soon says his first words in front of anyone to John, telling him of his discovery that, in a little over six years from now, the Earth will be hit with an asteroid shower so large that it will wipe out the planet, and nothing and no one will be able to stop it – except for John. He adds that we don’t get to choose our destiny, but we always get to choose. He then shows John that he had sabotaged his car to keep him from going and then fixes it. Before Smoking Jesus leaves, John asks him what he is supposed to do with the information he just gave him, and Smoking Jesus replies, “What you always do.”

John decides to return to the control room (with Smoking Jesus coming in behind him moments later), and when he does, he, Alison, Danny, and the chief engineer Tom (Gerry Bednob) – having recently awoken from his alcohol-induced sleep – witness on their space satellites’ cameras a collision between two asteroids that results in a big meteor shower. John and Danny immediately get to work in blowing up the rocks with the satellite lasers while Skynet starts to prepare its attack, during which Austin appears and watches the scene unfold. Danny soon cracks under the strain again and shuts himself down, and Alison tries to snap Danny out of it, but fails. John then has a pep talk with him, telling him that he knows he doesn’t love this job, but neither does he; he only does it out of love for Dylan. It is their job as rock jocks to save the world, and he doesn’t care if he is as good as his father or not, for he needs him to focus like never before because it is all in him, and he knows that because he is “The Biggest C*ck, Sucker” (which is his handle in the Mecha Robot online game that he is a master at playing). He then gets him to repeat those words to build his confidence, but a desperate Alison fully restores it when she tells Danny she will pleasure him orally if he gets them out of this jam. Danny proceeds to destroy every asteroid in his sights, and with John doing likewise, they end the threat and save Earth. Skynet sustains an error in the midst of it all and turns itself off, showing Austin that it is an insufficient replacement. Seth returns from the bathroom afterwards and pitches a fit over having missed all of the action. While this goes on, Dylan is with his mother’s boyfriend Roger (Ptolemy Slocum) (whom he doesn’t care for) awaiting the arrival of Loki’s Comet at Black Bear Creek, and Roger tells Dylan that he could be a better father figure to him. However, when he ends up insulting John, his profession, and his co-workers right after saying that, Dylan kicks him in the nuts and declares that, whatever his father does, he knows he does it for him.

A short time later, Austin sits down with John and says that, while he weeps over how Earth’s safety lies in the hands of him and his band of misfits, they will have to do until he can find a suitable alternative. When the crew takes their leave in the morning, John tells Alison that he does think she would make a good crew captain despite having submitted a review to top brass stating otherwise, but Alison replies that she is going to hold off on trying for that position so she can work on her flaws that he pointed out. Seth and Danny apologize to each other over their differences, and Danny tells the departing Alison she did an amazing job. She then kisses him, telling him that that is all he is getting, but maybe next time she will give him oral sex.

In the evening, John picks up Dylan from his ex’s house, and they go off to have some fun together.