Lloyd the Conqueror(2011)

SHORT VERSION:
In the final battle of the season between the Forces of Light (led by Lloyd) and the Hordes of Chaos (led by Derek), Lloyd and Derek end up as the last two men standing, and then Lloyd beats Derek to win the battle for the Forces of Light. This also ruins Derek’s goal of breaking Andy’s record for winning the most consecutive Demons & Dwarves tournament championships.

For achieving victory over him and his forces, Derek awards Lloyd, Patrick, and Oswald a rare A+ grade, which enables the trio to pass his class and keep their financial aid. Sometime later, the three friends graduate from college, and Lloyd moves out of their house to go live with his new girlfriend, Cassandra.

Andy narrates that, with Derek’s stranglehold on the LARP league now broken, the league regained its balance and became more about fun than fear and teamwork rather than treachery.

LONG VERSION:
After Derek/Derek the Unholy (Mike Smith) finds out from his teammate, Oliver (Gavin Williams), that Lloyd and the Conquerors – Lloyd (Evan Williams), Patrick (Jesse Reid), Oswald (Scott Patey), and Cassandra (Tegan Moss) – have defeated the experienced Danes team in a Demons & Dwarves LARP league battle and are being trained by Andy/The White Wizard (Brian Posehn), he realizes that the quartet might actually win this LARPing season and ruin his goal of breaking Andy’s record of winning the most consecutive Demons & Dwarves tournament championships. He thus speaks to Lloyd privately the next day and offers to give him, Patrick, and Oswald a C grade if they drop out of the league, which will enable them to pass his class and keep their financial aid, but Lloyd refuses his offer. Derek then threatens to fail him and his friends for violating the spirit of their “infernal accord” by seeking help from Andy, then demands that he drop out now or suffer the consequences. Lloyd tells him to go screw himself and declares that he and his friends are going to win the tournament and get the very rare A+ grade from him.

Lloyd and his friends continue their training with Andy and become more competent LARPers as time passes, and after Lloyd helps Cassandra out at another one of her self-defense classes, they wind up having their first kiss together. It then leads to a long, rough sex session where they try different positions from the Kama Sutra, but it ultimately ends badly when they attempt a difficult position and it results in Cassandra breaking her right leg. Meanwhile, Derek pays a visit to the town’s mental hospital, and after finding and approaching Leopold (Aaron Pearl) (one of the hospital’s patients and a former LARPer), he asks him to join his Hordes of Chaos. He also brings up how the only thing that stands between his army and victory is the White Wizard, and the last two words pique Leopold’s interest. Derek then tells him that Andy has taken on new students and that they stand to become even more powerful than he ever was, and he promises him revenge if he serves him. Leopold agrees to serve him provided that his destiny serves the will of the Blood Gods of Chaos. Derek then visits Andy at his store, the Sentry Box, and tries to bribe him with a rare and valuable mint condition comic book in exchange for making sure that his students fail spectacularly, but Andy refuses to take his bribe. Derek then summons Leopold, who is dressed in full LARP warrior gear, and he squares off with Andy in a war of words. Each man vows to vanquish the other in battle, and Leopold also vows to destroy Andy’s students.

Andy summons Lloyd and company to the Sentry Box after closing time, where he tells them that has some good news, bad news, and really bad news. The good news is that the final scores of the season are in, and Lloyd and the Conquerors are the highest-ranked team on the Forces of Light. However, as the highest-ranked team in their faction, it is their duty to lead the other teams – with Lloyd commanding them – in the final battle of the season against the Hordes of Chaos, and the bad news is that the Hordes will be commanded by Derek. He also says that the final battle will be taking place this coming weekend, and since Cassandra is injured, she will not be able to fight alongside them. Cassandra asks Andy why he doesn’t just come out of retirement and take her place on the team, and Andy replies that this is their path to follow, not his. Lloyd asks if his refusal to participate has something to do with the really bad news he mentioned, and Andy replies that it does. He goes on to explain that Derek visited him at the store this afternoon and unsuccessfully tried to bribe him into ensuring the failure of Lloyd and company before revealing to him that he had secured the allegiance of Leopold for the final battle, and he tells the group that Leopold was his former – and greatest – student. He goes on to explain that, when Leopold first came under his tutelage, he was the most eager LARPer that he had ever seen, and he immersed himself in the fantasy and sharpened his mind and body until he became the greatest warrior in the land. No one stood against him, and Andy encouraged him, thinking that he would always remain the Champion of Light. However, he failed to teach Leopold temperance and patience, and Leopold’s quest for power ultimately led him to embrace the Blood Gods of Chaos. He fell deeper and deeper until he started to believe in his own dark fantasies, and it all ended for him one night when he became convinced that his own family were actually a pack of gnomes trying to steal his magic armor. After he set his sister’s dog on fire, he was sent to the mental institution, and he remained there until Derek summoned him for his dark pact. Later, as Lloyd, Cassandra, Patrick, and Oswald leave the store, Andy stops Lloyd and tells him that there is something that he must share with him alone, and he has him come back inside. He then takes Lloyd into a secret room dedicated to LARPing and gives him a special gift that he might be able to find a use for, but what it is is left unknown to the viewer. Lloyd and Cassandra then spend all night coming up with a strategy for the final battle.

The next morning, Lloyd returns to the house he shares with Patrick and Oswald so they can go over the battle plan, but Patrick and Oswald are convinced that they stand no chance of winning with Leopold now working with Derek. When this leads to Patrick making a tasteless joke about Lloyd’s mother that Oswald laughs at, Lloyd decides to fire back at them by confessing to them that Derek had told him that he was willing to give them all a C grade if they dropped out of Demons & Dwarves, but he told Derek to take his offer and shove it, wanting to show him and the other Dereks of the world that he and his friends are not going to just roll over and take their crap. However, they now stand to fail Derek’s class and lose their financial aid if they don’t win the final battle tomorrow and get that A+ grade. Very unhappy with what Lloyd has done, Patrick and Oswald accuse him of doing all of that out of his attraction to Cassandra; he put their grades on the line just so he could have sex with her, and when he did, he broke her leg, and now she can’t help them get that A+. They both then stop speaking to him. Meanwhile, Cassandra tells her self-defense class that she has scheduled a “very special training session” this weekend that will give them a chance to utilize the skills they’ve learned in class.

The day of the final battle arrives, and Andy and Lloyd are shown waiting in line for the registration table – manned by “Vulcan” (Harland Williams), a LARPer who chose to not follow the crowd by portraying a science fiction character – ready to play, but Patrick, Oswald, and Cassandra are nowhere to be seen. Andy soon sends Lloyd off to the marshalling area, since the Forces of Light are awaiting his orders there, and he tells him that he will stay in line and try to keep the registration table open for as long as possible so the others can get here and sign up. Lloyd tries to rally the troops to him so he can go over the battle plan with them, but they all believe that they are going to lose to Derek’s army and they either mock his optimism or just simply ignore him. Suddenly, Patrick and Oswald show up in their costumes, having changed their minds about Lloyd, and Patrick gets the troops to listen to what Lloyd has to say. Lloyd then delivers a short speech that wins him the confidence of his forces, and when one guy in a unicorn costume volunteers himself to be his steed, Lloyd steps into the back half of the costume. Moments later, Derek sends out his army to begin the battle with Lloyd’s army (but keeps Leopold back), and after the two sides clash for a short while, Derek sends Leopold out to the battlefield, and his presence quickly makes things look bleak for the Forces of Light. Meanwhile, Cassandra and her class show up at the registration table ready to pay their fees just as Andy is about to have a fight with Vulcan over him keeping the table open, but Vulcan informs them that they are too late to sign up for the battle. However, when Rosie (Darcy Dunlop) offers to flash him her breasts in exchange for allowing her, Cassandra, and the others to register, Vulcan changes his mind. They make it to the battlefield just after Leopold has “slayed” Patrick and Oswald, and they proceed to gang up on Leopold and pummel him into submission.

Eventually, Derek shows up to the battlefield on his “centaur”, but the only people left standing at this point are Lloyd and the unicorn. Lloyd, Derek, and their “mounts” then fight each other until they all end up falling to the ground, and Lloyd gets out of the rear of the unicorn costume first and holds Derek at swordpoint while ordering his surrender. However, Derek quickly casts a spell that vaporizes his sword. He then threatens to cast a spell on Lloyd that will put an end to him, but Lloyd points out that, as a paladin, he can cast a counterspell. Derek informs him that, at his skill level, he will need the fabled 1,000-sided die to cast that kind of a spell on a Level 60 Dark Mage like himself, so Lloyd suddenly produces a 1,000-sided die, which was the secret object that Andy had given him. Unfortunately, when he shakes it up and points it at Derek, a frowny face icon appears in the viewing hole, meaning that his roll has failed. Lloyd then picks up a different sword and challenges Derek to a swordfight with no spells, but Derek initially refuses and says that he will use a spell that will greatly humiliate him and end this battle. Lloyd asks him if he is scared to fight him man-to-man, and he tells him that, if he wins by casting a spell, it would be a hollow victory because it would show everyone that he was indeed too scared to fight him. He then gets Derek to accept his challenge by telling him that he had Patrick break into his house last night and defecate all over the comic book that he tried to bribe Andy with. After a short duel, Lloyd disarms Derek, but when Lloyd turns his back on him, Derek tries to throw the 1,000-sided die at him. Fortunately, Andy stops him by throwing an aluminum foil ball containing a “lightning spell” at his body, “blinding” him and “melting his face”, which subsequently leads to him retreating and giving the Forces of Light ultimate victory. The Forces of Light decide to go out for pizza to celebrate.

Lloyd, Patrick, and Oswald gain the A+ in Derek’s class and keep their financial aid, and they later end up graduating from college. After graduation, Lloyd moves out of his and his friends’ house to go live with Cassandra. Andy narrates that, thanks to Lloyd’s victory, Derek’s stranglehold on the LARP league was broken, and the league regained its balance and became more about fun than fear and teamwork rather than treachery. We then see that Andy has been telling this whole story to a customer at his store, and he mentions to the customer that he wrote a book about the whole experience called “Lloyd the Conqueror”, but the customer tells him that he just wants to sign up for Demons & Dwarves.

During the credits, Oliver manages to find and dig up a 1,000-sided die used by the Hordes of Chaos, and he smiles and laughs evilly.