How I Won the War(1967)

POOPER
Inexperienced Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody commands a British platoon in WWII North Africa. His incompetence and obsession with a mobile cricket pitch led to disaster. His first mission to capture a bridge fails, resulting in Juniper’s death. A subsequent observation post mission ends in ambush and Clapper’s death. Goodbody is captured. Imprisoned, his men are forced to build a cricket pitch; Gripweed dies from exhaustion. A botched escape attempt gets Dooley killed. Only Goodbody and Drogue escape, but Drogue dies of wounds. Goodbody alone survives, returns to Allied lines, and writes a delusional memoir claiming personal victory, ignoring his men’s sacrifices.

LONG VERSION:
During World War II, inexperienced Lieutenant Ernest Goodbody (Michael Crawford) assumes command of the British 3rd Troop, 4th Musketeers. His platoon includes cynical Sergeant Transom (Lee Montague), melancholic Musketeer Juniper (Roy Kinnear), philosophical Musketeer Gripweed (John Lennon), eager Musketeer Clapper (Michael Hordern), dim-witted Musketeer Dooley (Jack MacGowran), Musketeer Drogue (Jack Hedley), and others. Goodbody obsesses over military theory and a “mobile desert cricket pitch,” immediately clashing with his battle-weary soldiers.

After minimal training, the platoon deploys to North Africa. Their first mission—capturing a strategic bridge—fails catastrophically due to Goodbody’s rigid adherence to textbook tactics. During the chaotic assault, Musketeer Juniper is killed by enemy fire while Goodbody focuses on trivial details. The platoon suffers heavy losses.

Reinforced with green replacements, the unit is tasked with establishing an observation post near Tunis. Goodbody insists on wearing bright green trousers for morale. Their noisy advance triggers an ambush. Musketeer Clapper is shot dead during the panicked retreat. Separated from his men, Goodbody stumbles into a German medical unit and is captured.

Imprisoned in a POW camp commanded by Odlebog (Karl Michael Vogler), Goodbody reunites with survivors: Sergeant Transom, Musketeers Gripweed, Dooley, and Drogue. Goodbody remains delusionally optimistic, planning escapes and still fixated on his cricket pitch. The prisoners are forced to build a cricket field for Odlebog. During this labor, Musketeer Gripweed dies from exhaustion and brutal conditions.

Goodbody organizes a tunnel escape, but his incompetence leads to its discovery. In the ensuing chaos, Musketeer Dooley is killed by German guards. Only Goodbody and Musketeer Drogue escape. They flee through the desert, but Drogue succumbs to wounds shortly after the breakout. Goodbody continues alone.

Miraculously evading death, Goodbody reaches Allied lines. Skeptical officers debrief him, finding his account incoherent. Undeterred, Goodbody pens a memoir titled How I Won the War, recasting the disastrous missions and his men’s deaths as a glorious personal victory. The film ends with Goodbody decorated and self-satisfied, wholly detached from the grim reality of his failures and the platoon’s annihilation.

ORDER OF DEATHS

• Musketeer Juniper (Roy Kinnear): Killed by enemy fire during the disastrous first mission (bridge capture) in North Africa.

• Musketeer Clapper (Michael Hordern): Shot and killed during an ambush while retreating from the failed observation post mission near Tunis.

• Musketeer Gripweed (John Lennon): Dies from exhaustion and harsh conditions while forced to build a cricket pitch in the German POW camp.

• Musketeer Dooley (Jack MacGowran): Killed by German guards during the chaotic aftermath of the discovered tunnel escape attempt from the POW camp.

• Musketeer Drogue (Jack Hedley): Succumbs to wounds shortly after escaping the POW camp with Goodbody, dying in the desert.