National Lampoon’s LAST RESORT(1994)

Submitted by Tornado Dragon

SHORT VERSION:
After Hemlock succeeds in gaining control of the island from Rex through a dirty contract followed by a couple of other schemes, Rex tells Sam and Dave to find a way to get him his island back. They – along with their respective love interests Alex and Sonja and the resort’s bus driver Flash – eventually decide to find the fabled Treasure Island treasure, since the money they could get from it would be enough to buy back the island from Hemlock before the contract’s out-clause expires. Hemlock finds out about this plan and moves to stop them with his goons Bob and Rob.

In the end, Hemlock, Bob, and Rob find themselves dueling with the quartet, Rex, and the resort’s kooky patrons for the treasure at its location, and the good guys win. The treasure turns out to be two film reels of a very rare movie that features Hemlock in his only starring role and the only time he has played a hero. Hemlock begs them to give it to him, and they do so on the condition that he give full ownership of the island back to Rex. Rex regains the island, and Sam and Dave decide to stay, both to continue working at the resort and to be with Alex and Sonja.

LONG VERSION:
Hemlock (Robert Mandan) pays a beautiful actress named Alex (Demetra Hampton) to seduce Sam (Corey Feldman) into tricking his uncle Rex (Geoffery Lewis) into signing an agreement to make Hemlock his partner in the ownership of the island, and Sam accomplishes this with Dave’s (Corey Haim) help. However, Hemlock ends up not paying Alex as much as he promised her, and she sees a model he has constructed showing all of the diabolical things he plans to do with the island once he gains full control of it. Hemlock then sends his henchmen Bob (Chris Barnes) and Rob (Tony Longo) to create some shenanigans at the resort and make it lose business, then gets control of the island by giving the resort a loan and then invoking his right to protect his investment soon after.

Sam tells Rex about how he tricked him into signing the deal, but Rex reveals that he knows what he had signed into. He also tells them that he brought them to the island because he knows that they are failures and wanted them to make something of themselves and save his island, and he orders them to find a loophole in the deal. The following morning, Alex visits Sam and Dave, having had a change of heart, and she later tells them and Dave’s love interest Sonja (Maureen Flannigan) that they need $3.5 million before the out-clause expires to buy back the island from Hemlock. They soon realize that the only way to acquire that kind of money is to find the fabled Treasure Island treasure. Rex tells them all about it in his office and gives them a map to help in finding it, which Hemlock, Bob, and Rob overhear through the bug they earlier placed in there.

The next day, Dave, Sonja, Alex, and the resort’s bus driver Flash (Michael Ralph) set out to look for the treasure (Sam joins up with them later, having been physically drained from a wild night of sex with Alex), with Hemlock, Bob, and Rob following them. The protagonists arrive at the home of an old hermit (Zelda Rubenstein), who tells them that they must pass three tests of valor in order to be given the location of the treasure. Hemlock and his goons then reveal themselves, so the two sides end up doing the tests against each other (and this is where Sam finally comes in to help). The good guys win two tests to one, and the hermit tells them that the treasure is buried on the resort’s beach by the boats.

Hemlock then shoots and kills the hermit and then forces the quintet down to the beach to dig it up. After they unearth the chest, Rex shows up with some of the kooky resort patrons to save them. The good guys do battle with Hemlock and company and defeat them, but when they open the chest afterward, they discover it only contains two reels of a film called “Ace Of The Skies.” Rex reveals it is the only existing copy of a film in which Hemlock was the star and played the hero. Since Hemlock treasures this film, he begs for them to hand it over, and they do so after he agrees to pay off the mortgage on the resort and give full ownership of the island back to Rex.

Some time later, after being affirmed as full owner, Rex thanks everyone for their efforts, and Sam and Dave decide to stay at the resort, both to continue working there and to be with Alex and Sonja.