Submitted by Tornado Dragon

Rudy’s (Patrick Dempsey) repeated attempts to get laid with help from Roxy (Sally Kellerman) all end badly, and he quits his job at the marina following a pay dispute with Mean Gene (George Buza), after which Mean Gene makes him look like a chump once again in front of everyone. Rudy heads back to his cabin and is met by Roxy, and he tells Roxy that he now wants to get laid without her assistance. He then informs her that he is thinking about trying to make it with Mean Gene’s supposed wife, the “Love Goddess” (Shannon Tweed), tomorrow afternoon, since Mean Gene is going out of town tonight and won’t be back until Sunday. He explains that he has been taking everybody’s abuse all summer and thus looks like a fool, and he wants to prove to them and to himself that he can do something that everyone else has only ever dreamed of. Roxy doesn’t think this is a good idea at all and offers to help him once again, but he warns her that their deal will be off if she does.

When tomorrow afternoon comes, Tom (Peter Snider) and Andy (Mark Blutman) are holding a show at the marina where “The Adonis” – whom Andy hired – will try to go all the way with the Love Goddess and last against Mean Gene, and the duo are fixing to make a lot of money on the bets because they believe that no one but them knows that Mean Gene is away. However, it turns out Andy confused the nomenclature behind the name: “The Adonis” is actually a stud service for cattle run by Joe Adonis, and when he arrives, he has brought along a bull named Buster, thinking that the Love Goddess was a cow that Buster could breed with. In light of this, Tom decides to step in and do the task. Also, the duo aren’t aware that Wendy (Isabelle Mejias) also knows that Mean Gene is absent, and she has already traveled downriver to find Mean Gene and warn him about what they’re up to. She arrives at a place where he and the rest of his River Rats gang are initiating Rita (Jan Taylor Hendricks), a woman he is fond of, and she tells everyone that there is a ceremony going on back at Mean Gene’s house and the Love Goddess is going to be sacrificed. They all make haste with Wendy back to the marina.

Rudy enters the Love Goddess’ room unseen and meets her, and believing that he is a part of the hoopla going on outside, she scolds him for it and orders him to get out. Just then, Tom shows up, but when he tries to hit Rudy, Roxy freezes time and appears before Rudy. She tells him she just wanted to save him for old time’s sake, but he again orders her to butt out, so she vanishes. However, she does not unfreeze time right away, giving Rudy a chance to put Tom by the window so everyone can see him, then kicking him in the posterior to send him out into the water below. As Tom and Andy deal with the angry bettors, the Love Goddess unfreezes and apologizes to Rudy for misjudging him, but soon asks him why he is here if Tom came up because of the bet. After he explains, she offers to salvage his reputation. To that end, they make a bunch of sex noises and throw articles of clothing out the window to give the crowd the impression that they are doing the deed, and Rudy’s name is mentioned during it. The crowd begins to chant for Rudy, and Rudy soon appears in the window and acknowledges them.

Just then, the River Rats show up ahead of Mean Gene and Wendy, and as they make plans to attack whoever is in the Love Goddess’ room, Buster breaks loose from his rope and stampedes onto the pier, sending the panicked crowd running and the River Rats into the drink (he later returns to his carrier without harming or killing anyone). Mean Gene and Wendy then arrive, and Mean Gene charges right up to the room and discovers Rudy, and Rudy starts to do everything he can to dodge his attacks. Meanwhile, at the gates of Heaven, Roxy distresses over Rudy possibly being killed and being denied entry into Heaven because she failed to help him, and then the Devil shows up looking to claim her soul. Thankfully, just when Mean Gene finally gets a hold of Rudy, the Love Goddess knocks him out with a baseball bat, sparing both Rudy and Roxy. She then reveals that Mean Gene isn’t her husband, but her overprotective brother; her husband is currently teaching summer school in Minneapolis.

The next day, Rudy is packing up to leave the marina when a humbler Mean Gene suddenly darkens his doorstep. He gives Rudy the money he owes him and even offers him membership into the River Rats, but he turns down the offer because he isn’t staying. While receiving both respect and goodbyes from everyone at the marina, Rudy notices Wendy sitting by the bar looking rather lovely, and unbeknownst to him, Roxy is visible only to her and giving her advice on how to finally win Rudy over after being snubbed by him all summer, having decided to bring the two of them together as her good deed. After playing a bit of hard-to-get with Rudy, Wendy accepts an offer he makes for her to go for a walk with him, and we soon see them having fun together and ultimately kissing. Her task complete, Roxy joyfully enters Heaven.