Submitted by Don P

Woody Allen has an adopted son who is a genius. Curious about the boy’s biological parents, he investigates and finds the boy’s mother who is …. a not so bright prostitute/porn star (Mira Sorvino)! Woody keeps his identity secret and resolves to help Mira.

Woody buys off her pimp with courtside basketball tickets.

The prospective boyfriend the boxer (Michael Rapaport) gives up Mira and goes back to the onion farm.

Woody stays with his wife.

Mira has Woody’s child (yes, they finally had crazy sex but he doesn’t know he is the father) and marries a helicopter pilot who is okay with her past.