Someone Marry Barry(2014)

Submitted by Tornado Dragon

Over a two-week period, Barry (Tyler Labine) and Melanie (Lucy Punch) hit it off spectacularly (mainly because of how socially inappropriate they both are). When Barry meets with his friends Rafe (Hayes MacArthur), Kurt (Thomas Middleditch), and Desmond (Damon Wayans Jr.) at Rafe’s bar after that period of time has passed, he tells them all about how amazing Melanie is as well as how great things have been going with her (without telling them that she is a female version of himself). Rafe eventually asks Barry when they will get to meet her, and Desmond suggests that he bring her along on a trip that they are taking to Kurt’s family’s cabin this coming weekend. Barry likes this idea, and Kurt agrees to let her come along.

However, when Barry and Melanie meet the guys at Desmond’s house – along with Desmond’s wife Rachel (Amanda Lund) and Kurt’s girlfriend Camille (Frankie Shaw) – so they can all ride in Desmond’s van to the cabin, the guys’ excitement over Barry and the trip vanishes the second they find out what kind of a person Melanie is. Barry and Melanie’s combined obnoxiousness spoils everyone else’s fun almost instantly. That night, Barry and Melanie attempt to get frisky in the cabin’s open upstairs bedroom while everyone else is trying to sleep in the living room directly below them. Unfortunately, the duo light too many candles to set the mood with, and they accidentally start a fire that ultimately causes the cabin to burn to the ground.

Sometime after firefighters show up to put the fire out, Kurt tries to attack Barry over the loss of his cabin, but the others hold him back. After Kurt orders Barry to go away forever, Desmond and Rafe decide to take this opportunity to tell Barry they can no longer take how much of a social nightmare he is. They also insult Melanie by telling Barry that she is a train wreck and that she is just as bad as he is. Melanie tells the guys that, while she doesn’t care what they think about her, Barry has been nothing but an amazing friend to them all, but Desmond replies that he ruined everything. She counters that they didn’t mean to do it, but Rafe replies that it doesn’t matter what you mean to do; what matters is what you do do. Melanie cracks up over the unintended scatological joke, but Barry soon surprises her when he quietly tells her to grow up. Barry tells the guys that friends are supposed to stick by each other no matter what, but Desmond replies that there is a limit to what they can handle. He admits that the reason why he, Rafe, and Kurt were trying so hard to find him a wife/girlfriend is that they were trying to get rid of him and have him be her problem. The guys, Rachel and Camille, then silently walk away from Barry and Melanie.

After Barry returns to town with Melanie and walks her up to the front of her apartment building, she soon calls him out on how he didn’t defend her from his friends and told her to grow up. Barry doesn’t care, however, telling her that he should be the one feeling sad right now because his lifelong best friends just disowned him. When she again brings up how he didn’t stick up for her and then asks if he didn’t do that because he agreed with what his friends said about her, Barry answers that maybe there was a kernel of truth to it. He elaborates on that by blaming her for the end of his friendships, and when he then claims that his life was perfect before he met her, she retorts that, before she came along, he had no job, no relationship, and his friends still wanted to get rid of him. She then tells him to get stuffed before heading inside.

Shortly after renouncing their friendship with Barry, Rafe, Kurt, and Desmond undergo some changes in their lives: Since Barry is no longer around to babysit his son, J.T. (Wyatt Oleff), whenever he wants to pursue one of his one-night stands, Rafe starts to spend more time with J.T., and their father-son bond improves. Desmond gets a new job (having lost his old one after Barry unintentionally got him fired), but due to the fact that he loves to smoke marijuana, he quickly finds himself in danger of losing this new job when he is informed that the company’s Human Resources department needs him to take a standard drug test. Despite this, he and Rachel manage to figure out a good work-life balance so they can spend time with each other properly, and after he mentions the impending drug test to her, she tells him that she has a plan that will take care of that problem. Kurt finally grows a spine and dumps Camille for good after finally accepting that she is an ice queen who doesn’t deserve a good guy like him (something that Barry himself pointed out to him). As for Barry, he spends the next several days wallowing in lonely misery, but after he takes a good look around his pigsty of an apartment one morning, he too decides to make some changes in his life. He first gives his home a thorough cleaning, then gets a job as a counselor at a children’s camp.

Sometime later, Rafe, Kurt, and Desmond meet up at Rafe’s bar, and shortly after they give each other the news on what has been going on in their lives lately, they all admit that they really miss Barry and his obnoxious behavior. They thus pay him a visit at his apartment, and they have a heartfelt chat with him where they first apologize for what they said and did back at the cabin and then apologize for the stuff they said about Melanie. They then tell him that they want him back and that he will always be their friend, no matter what sorts of ridiculous, obnoxious, inane, and stupid things he might do, and Barry forgives them all. However, while they are hanging out at Rafe’s bar later on, Desmond notices Barry sliding through some photos of himself and Melanie on his phone, and Barry soon admits to him that he misses Melanie terribly. He explains that Melanie was the first woman who ever really understood him, and no one has ever made him feel the way he feels about her, and that he had never thought about spending the rest of his life with somebody until he met her. Desmond asks him if he has ever said any of this to her, then tells him that he ought to tell her all of this right now. Barry soon asks Desmond what day it is, and after he replies that it is Friday, Barry remembers that Melanie is directing a Shakespeare in the Park play today. He thus immediately heads over to the park where the play is taking place, with Desmond and the others tagging along.

Barry goes up on stage and interrupts the play before asking everyone where Melanie is, and after she appears, he makes her join him up on the stage, feeling that he has to say what he needs to say to her up there. After initially fumbling over his words, he tells her all about how he loves all of the disgusting and weird things that she does and says, but most importantly, he loves her. Charmed by his words, Melanie forgives him, and they kiss. However, they go overboard with this tender moment when they start to kiss wildly, and the audience expresses their disapproval of this by throwing vegetables at them, but Barry and Melanie give them the finger in response.

The next scene shows that Barry and Melanie have gotten married in a ceremony at Desmond’s house, but to the surprise of no one, they overdo it on their first kiss as husband and wife, which lasts all the way until the start of the credits. During the reception, Kurt begins to develop a romantic connection with Melanie’s friend Paige (J. Robin Miller), and Rafe meets a single mother and asks her out for coffee, but he lets her know that they must do it on a weekday because the weekends are designated as “guy time” with his son. It is also revealed that Desmond passed the drug test after he obtained a urine sample from J.T. and passed it off as his own (he falsely claimed to J.T. that he needed his urine for a “science project”). As Rafe, Kurt, and Desmond watch Barry and Melanie continue with their kiss, Rafe remarks that they will have to put up with both of them for the rest of their lives now. However, Desmond points out that there is one thing that could make it worse: A “little Barry”.

As the credits begin to roll, the camera focuses on another man at the reception that is being highly obnoxious towards everyone there. After Rafe, Kurt, and Desmond take notice of him, Barry comes up to them and tells them that that guy is Sammy (Joe Lo Truglio), a fellow counselor at the children’s camp. He then gives them a description of the kind of person that Sammy is, which is identical to the description that people have of him, only a little worse. Barry quickly takes off just as Sammy notices them all, and Rafe, Kurt, and Desmond realize that Sammy is Barry’s “Barry” just as he approaches them to make his embarrassing introductions.