The ABCs of Death(2012)
Submitted by Evan B
This movie is comprised of 26 shorts, each short shot by a different director. Each director was assigned a letter of the alphabet and had to create a story of death based on that letter. There were no restrictions on the style or subject-matter of each short. Some shorts were near incomprehensible, so I gave it my best shot to describe them.
A is for Apocalypse – A man sits on a bed watching TV when a woman comes in (ostensibly his wife) and brutally stabs, scalds, and assaults him. As he slowly dies, he asks her why? She notes that she hated him, but had intended to kill him peacefully through months of poisoning. She then says that she ran out of time and had to resort to this more-brutal method. The camera the pans to the window, where the apocalypse is in full swing, explaining why she ran out of time.
B is for Bigfoot – A young Mexican girl interrupts her older cousin as he tries to have sex with his girlfriend. He brings her back to bed and noticing a comic about the abominable snowman/bigfoot in her room, says that the abominable snowman exists. His much crueler girlfriend supports his story, saying that the abominable snowman is authorized by the Mexican government to eat the hearts of children who are not asleep by 8:00. The girl cowers under the covers as her cousin and the girlfriend have sex. They are then attacked and killed by a psychotic trash collector… who rips the girlfriend’s heart out. Only the little girl, in bed by 8:00, is spared.
C is for Cycle – A man sees bloody remains in his lawn and later that night, hears a noise in his house. The next morning he finds and walks through a hole he finds in his bushes… and travels back in time. He realizes that he himself made the noise he heard the night before. He flees to the backyard and tries to figure out how this happened when another version of himself sneaks up and kills him with barbed wire. Then, the current version of the man washes the remains of his past version with the hose, starting the cycle again.
D is for Dogfight – A boxer in an underground fighting ring is surprised to see that his opponent for the night is a dog belonging to a vicious trainer. The dog and man are locked in brutal combat, but the dog gains the upper-paw. As the dog is about to tear the boxer’s throat out, the boxer calls out the dog’s name. We then see missing dog posters and realize the dog was stolen from the boxer. The dog unclamps from the boxer’s throat and reunited with his true master, they attack and kill the dog trainer.
E is for Exterminate – A man tries unsuccessfully to kill a spider in his apartment. Later that night, the spider descends upon the man in his sleep. Over the course of the week, the spider watches the man as he develops hives and a ringing in his ear. A few days later the man again notices the spider and this time, kills it. The man celebrates when his ears begin ringing incessantly. He then falls dead to the floor as spiders crawl out of his ears, the eggs laid there by the spider in the night.
F is for Fart – A Japanese schoolgirl has a crush on her female teacher, a woman she considers far more delicate than herself as the student is prone to farting. One day, a foul fog (called the “fart of god”) begins rolling through the city, killing anyone who inhales it. The teacher and student run into a building, knowing the fog will eventually seep in. The student admits her love for the teacher and asks if she can be killed by the teacher’s farts rather than the fog. The teacher obliges, farting in her student’s face until she dies. The two are then reunited in the afterlife, free to fart as they will.
G is for Gravity – Shot from a first-person POV, a person pulls a bag of bricks and a surfboard from his car’s trunk. He then paddles on the surfboard into the waves, slips off the board, and is dragged down to his suicidal death by the bricks in his backpack.
H is for Hydro-electric Diffusion – On a planet with anthropomorphic bipedal animals, a dog-fighter pilot watches a fox-y stripper perform. He approaches the stage when the fox reveals she secretly is one of his Nazi foes and activates a trap where the dog will be killed in a hydro-diffuser with an electric current running through it. The dog remembers an inspirational quote and manages to escape the trap and push the fox into it. The dog lights a cigar and watches as the fox’s face melts off and her skull explodes.
I is for Ingrown – A seemingly tortured woman lies handcuffed in a bathtub reciting an internal monologue as a man (possibly her husband) watches sadly. The man finally injects the woman with a poison and flees the room. The woman begins scratching off her skin until the poison finally kills her.
J is for Jidai-Gaki (Samurai Movie) – A samurai sweats as he watches the odd facial expressions on another samurai’s face. The camera pans out and we realize the second samurai is making odd faces as he is committing ritualistic suicide (seppuku). The first samurai finally beheads his comrade, ending his pain. Then, the first samurai finally bursts out laughing at the dead samurai’s final facial expression.
K is for Klutz – In this animated short, a woman at a party does a number 2, but one of the turds is alive and refuses to be flushed. The woman, unwilling to face the embarrassment of people at the party seeing her turd, engages in a struggle to force it down the toilet. Eventually the woman leans over and the turd takes the opportunity to climb back in her butt. It goes too far comes out her mouth, killing her in the process. The others at the party break down the bathroom door and laugh at the woman’s apparent klutziness.
L is for Libido – A Japanese man wakes up to find he and another man strapped to a chair. Masked rich people watch them as a woman stimulates them by stripping. Another woman overseeing the proceedings informs the captives that they must masturbate to stay alive. The man wins and the loser is impaled on a spike that rounds of the game, and each time the stimulation becomes more grotesque. He keeps managing to win as the woman in charge secretly shows him her privates so that he can divert his attention from the grotesque stimulus. One day, the woman in charge is accidentally impaled when the impaling machine malfunctions. As a result, the winner loses in the next round and passes out. When he awakens, a new woman is on top of him having sex and he believes he is free. He looks over and sees two captured men masturbating to him and the woman, realizing he is now the stimulus. Then, the woman riding him takes out a chainsaw and kills him, forcing the new captives to masturbate to this graphic murder.
M is for Miscarriage – A woman runs through her house desperately looking for a plunger. She finally finds it and the camera reveals she had a miscarriage that has clogged the toilet.
N is for Nuptials – A boyfriend buys a parrot for his girlfriend. He trains the parrot to recite a marriage proposal to her, and she happily accepts. The parrot doesn’t stop there. It goes on to recite the noises the boyfriend made during an affair the boyfriend is having. In a jealous rage, the girlfriend kills her boyfriend.
O is for Orgasm – A woman is shown engaging in ever more dangerous sex acts involving BDSM. She eventually dies during orgasm.
P is for Pressure – A woman works as a prostitute to save money for her family and continuously turns down the advances of one particularly wealthy man. Her boyfriend then steals her money, leaving her kids with nothing. She calls the wealthy man and meets him in a warehouse where he sets up a video camera. He then records her crushing live animals with her stilettos. The last shot is her children living happily, unaware of what their mom did to get the money.
Q is for Quack – The real-life director and writer of this short are griping about how they got stuck with the letter “Q” and are not being given top-billing. They decide the way to stand out in this anthology is to kill something for real. They buy a duck (which “q”uacks) and with a sound guy, drive to the desert to kill it with a gun. The director and writer take aim at the duck, but loses his nerve. The writer tries to kill it but can’t figure out how to turn off the gun’s safety. While tampering with the gun, the writer accidentally disengages the safety and shoots the director, who then accidentally shoots the writer as he falls to the ground. The short ends with the sound guy fleeing the scene and the rabbit unharmed as the writer and director die.
R is for Removed – In this alternative universe, doctors cut the flesh from a captured man and turn his flesh into film strips. The man finally gains the strength to escape and turns some of his recently-harvested flesh into bullets. He brutally kills his captors, before dying himself from blood loss.
S is for Speed – A woman flees a warehouse and forces another woman into her car’s trunk. A hooded biker follows her, and she ignites the biker with a flame thrower before driving off. The captive laughs that the biker will catch them. The biker then appears in the rear-view mirror, but the woman activates some NOS and speeds ahead. The car then runs out of gas and the biker appears. The woman offers her captive to the biker, but the biker declines, saying it is not the captive’s time. He does mention to the woman that he is impressed, as no one has made the chase as difficult as her. It is revealed the biker is actually the Grim Reaper and the woman accepts her face, grabbing his hand and dying.
We realize that the entire scene was a dream, the woman and her captive were junkies. The “captive” wakes up and sees the woman has OD’d. Not caring, the “captive” takes more drugs, and returns to the fantasy world where she and her former friend faced the biker known as Death.
T is for Toilet – A Claymation film, in which parents are trying to potty train their young son (the water reservoir is screwed to the wall above the toilet, the flush is activated by a pull chain). The parents bring the boy into the bathroom, when the toilet morphs into a monster and kills and eats his parents. The boy wakes up, revealing the prior scene as a nightmare. Determined to face his fears, the boy goes to the bathroom. His father notices and watches approvingly. Suddenly, the reservoir breaks from the wall and crushes the boy’s head.
U is for Unearthed – From a first-person POV, many people are pursuing the main character. The character has superhuman strength and kills many of his captors but is eventually pinned to the ground. The character watches as one man pulls out his fangs and a priest stakes the character in the heart. A final man promises not to let his family know what happened (apparently the character was turned into a vampire) and then beheads the character.
V is for Vagitus (The Cry of a Newborn Baby) – In the future, the government controls all pregnancies and the only way for a woman to get permission to bear children is to join a police force that hunts down and kills parents and the children that are born without government permission. In flashbacks, we see a female officer has just found out that she received permission to get pregnant thanks to her government service. The government agent then but laughs at the officer while informing her that her service was for naught as she was infertile the whole time. The officer is sent on a mission where she encounters mutant humans with special mind control powers. The parents are killed and the officer’s superior shows up intending to harvest the baby’s genetics. The baby unveils its super-powers killing all the other officers. The superior orders the female officer to kill the baby and shoots and wounds her when she refuses. One of the baby’s dying parents explains that their son is a “prophet” and that she must now raise their son to save the world. When the female officer agrees, the baby uses its powers to explode her superior’s head.
W is for WTF – The director and writers of this segment debate what to do with the letter “W.” As they do, the letter “W” begins appearing and all hell breaks loose. Warriors, warlocks, killer wheelchairs, walruses and clowns attack the director and crew, killing them off brutally.
X is for XXL – A fat woman is constantly insulted by people who are disgusted by her weight. She is also constantly inundated with ads from skinny models selling weight loss products. Eventually, the woman snaps, literally carving the fat off of her body. She stands posing in front of the mirror as literal skin and bones before finally dying from blood loss.
Y is for Young Buck – An old pervert working as a janitor is licking the sweat off of some bleachers that dripped off the body of a young boy. He is then stabbed with a pair of antlers. We flash back to see that the man once took a frightened young boy on a hunting trip where he shot a deer and then carved off its antlered head in front of the traumatized boy. The man then exposed himself to the boy. Cutting back to the present, we see that the young boy has stabbed the man with the deer’s mounted head. The boy then decapitates the pervert and exposes himself to the dead man’s severed head.
Z is for Zetsumetsu (Extinction) – A surreal history of Japan is presented, mocking Japan’s obsession with hentai, game shows, giant monsters, sushi, and Japan’s interactions with the US. The short ends with the destruction of all characters in a tribute to Dr. Strangelove.