The American Poop Movie(2006)

Submitted by Tornado Dragon

SHORT VERSION:
Mitch ends up getting Russ fired from Channel 6 when he anonymously gives their boss a videotape showing his daughter doing some crazy sexual-type stuff with Russ on an episode of Russ’ old college TV show. After Russ finishes his last day at work, Mitch throws a couple of final insults at him before going into a meeting, and Russ decides that he can’t let Mitch go unpunished after everything that he has put him through, so he sneaks into Mitch’s office intending to urinate on his desk. However, just as he is about to do it, he notices a videotape in one of the drawers that has a note on it telling people to not touch it. After playing it on the office’s VCR and discovering that it contains a recording of Mitch having sex with a donkey, he takes the tape, makes multiple copies of it, and anonymously gives them out to everyone at Channel 6 (as well as some other townsfolk). Unsurprisingly, the video costs Mitch his job at the station.

Before the above occurs, Russ visits his love interest, Tara, and finds out from her that she has been accepted into the University of Boston, and he tells her that, although he is not pleased that she will be leaving him, he is nonetheless happy for her. They then celebrate her good fortune, which culminates in them having sex for the first time. As they chat afterwards, he tells her that he has been thinking about moving out of town himself, and she suggests that he come with her to Boston, but he replies that he is unsure about doing that.

Russ ultimately decides to move out to California to live with his friend, Mark, and try to build a life and career there. Early in his journey, he comes upon a fork in a road, with one way pointing to California and the other way pointing to Boston (and to Tara). He turns for California, but suddenly, a passing truck collides with his car, and his fate is left unknown.

LONG VERSION:
Russ (Ross Kidder) eventually becomes a full-time salaried employee of Channel 6, but when he, Copeck (Jason Sarayba), Mally (Elizabeth Wright), Dirk (Randy Tobin), and Moron (Chuck Kaiton) go out to a bar to celebrate this, Copeck and Mally find Tara (Amelia Morck) there on a date with Russ’ enemy, Mitch (Jonathan Cahill) (and Tara has actually just told Mitch that she doesn’t want to go out with him anymore). Having never told Russ about Tara and Mitch because they wanted to spare his feelings, and knowing that Russ hasn’t cast his eyes upon them yet, Copeck and Mally suggest to Russ that they go to a college party that Dirk had earlier told them about so they can do their celebrating there. Meanwhile, as Tara is getting ready to leave, Mitch spots Russ without her noticing, so when she stands up, Mitch asks her for a hug before they go and then French-kisses her when she gets close enough to him. At that moment, Russ looks in their direction, and feeling betrayed, he slumps down on the bar, causing him to miss Tara pushing Mitch off her and then insulting him before departing. Mitch then walks over to Russ with his lackey, “Weasel Man” (James Hawkes). He proceeds to tell him that he was watching some old footage of his “How I Did Your Mother” TV show from back in college the other day. He found out that Stephanie (Cassie Fazzino) – the daughter of their boss, Mr. Adams (Rich Correia) – was once a guest on the show and did some crazy sexual-type stuff with Russ. Sensing that Mitch is after something, Russ asks him what he wants, so Mitch tells him to stay away from Tara or he will give Mr. Adams a copy of the episode with Stephanie in it and get him fired. He then departs with Weasel Man.

Moments later, Russ leaves the bar with his friends, and after he pukes out of disgust, he tells the gang (while ignoring Copeck’s attempts to apologize to him for knowing about Tara and Mitch) that they are going to the college party. He proceeds to get hammered at the party, and after first chiding Copeck for withholding what he knew about Tara and Mitch, he gets reacquainted with Vanessa (Jessica Snell), a woman who once worked as an intern on his old TV show. They soon go into a bedroom to get intimate with each other, but he puts a stop to it all before any penetration occurs and leaves the room. Soon after, he finds himself confronted by Vanessa’s boyfriend and gets punched unconscious, and then somebody calls the cops on him, Dirk, and Moron (for some reason) and they spend the rest of the night in jail.

Tara tries to telephone Russ over the next several days, but he never answers or returns any of her calls. While Russ is out golfing with his buddies one day, he tells Copeck that he has made enough money to move into a place of his own, then asks him if would like to be his roommate. Unfortunately for him, Copeck declines his offer, both because he plans to ask Mally to marry him and because, since she recently got a job in Chicago, he will be moving there with her. This news depresses Russ, but he is happy for Copeck nonetheless. Then, he decides to defy Mitch by going over to Tara’s house with a bottle of champagne in his hand, but he runs into a departing Mitch in her driveway. Mitch tells him that he is going to give him one chance to walk away right now, but Russ refuses to back down, so Mitch tells him that he can kiss his job goodbye and then drives off in his car.

Tara greets Russ at the door in tears, and after they sit down, she explains that she just got into the University of Boston and will be going to the orientation in two weeks. However, when Mitch found out about it, he came over here and called her selfish among other hurtful things, which she justly felt he had no right to do seeing as how they aren’t romantically involved anymore. Russ tells her that she should be celebrating getting into U.B. right now, and though he doesn’t like the fact that she is going to be leaving him as well, he is really happy for her. He also apologizes for avoiding her lately and promises that he won’t do that anymore. They soon get to drinking the champagne he brought and relax together in her hot tub, and ultimately, they end up having sex. Afterwards, Tara admits to Russ that she was surprised that he came here to see her, and when he asks why, she replies that she saw Copeck and Mally the other day and they told her about his encounter with Mitch at the bar and how Mitch blackmailed him afterwards. When she then brings up how Copeck will be moving away soon, Russ tells her that he has been thinking about leaving this town as well. She suggests that he come to Boston with her, but he replies that he is unsure about doing that, and she tells him that he should at least visit her because she will miss him too much if he doesn’t.

The next day, Mitch makes good on his threat to Russ by anonymously leaving a videotape in Mr. Adams’ office that contains the episode of Russ’ old show with Stephanie in it, and after Adams watches it, he angrily chases Russ out of the station when he shows up at work for his next shift and then fires him. In the days that follow, Russ decides to join his friend, Marky (Mark Burton Grzesiuk), out in California, and he heads back to the Channel 6 building to clear out his office. However, after he finishes his task and makes his way towards the exit, he runs into Mitch, who throws a couple of final insults at him before going into a meeting. Deciding that he can’t let Mitch go unpunished after everything that he has done to him, Russ sneaks into Mitch’s office with the intention of urinating on his desk. However, just as he is about to do it, he notices a videotape in one of the drawers that has a note from Mitch posted on it telling people to not touch it. Curious, he plays the tape on the VCR in there, and what he sees makes him smile and laugh.

A couple of weeks later, Russ packs his belongings into his car, says goodbye to his mother, and begins his drive out to California. However, before he leaves town, he stops by Mitch’s house to pay him one last visit. After barging inside and sitting himself down next to Mitch in the living room, Russ tells Mitch that he is moving away, and he came here both because he wanted to say goodbye to him and because he wanted to show him something. He then plays the videotape he found, which shows Mitch having sex with a donkey while Weasel Man films it all. As the video continues to play, Russ informs Mitch that he is leaving now and assures him that this tape is the only copy in existence. He has no intention of showing it to anyone else because he isn’t a despicable guy like him and has nothing to gain from it. However, after he goes, we find out that he lied to Mitch; he made multiple copies of the tape and anonymously gave them out to everyone at Channel 6 as well as some other townsfolk.

Freeze-frame labels state the following fates of the primary characters:

• Mitch lost his job at Channel 6 because of the video. He was later arrested for laundering money and wound up getting sent to prison, but he loves being raped by the inmates.
• Copeck and Mally got married, and they decided to stay in Chicago and have kids. Oddly, one of the children is half-black, but Copeck thinks that that is because of his “strong Pacific Islander blood.”
• Dirk got a job at a professional painting company, but a month later, he impregnated his boss’ 16-year-old daughter. He changed his name and moved to Iceland, where he started a lucrative sperm bank business, even though most of the deposits are his own.
• While working in the circus, Moron went on to receive the Caldecott Children’s Award for illustrating a popular children’s book.
• After MANY sexual experimentations with other college women, Tara graduated with honors from the University of Boston.

Russ is then shown stopping at a fork in the road, with one way pointing to California and the other to Boston (and to Tara). He turns for California, but suddenly, a passing truck collides with his car, leaving his fate unknown.