(1992)

Submitted by Tornado Dragon

SHORT VERSION:
The only person who actually gets killed is Antonio. He is murdered by what he first believes to be the spirit of Alfred Hitchcock (and he guesses he did it because he didn’t like how he screwed up Psycho with this movie), but Alfred removes his mask to reveal himself as Dr. Pizza. He laughs and leaves, and the movie ends with the camera focusing on Antonio’s body – which is sporting a funny face – and a movie poster behind him advertising Ezio Greggio’s next spoof movie Jurassic Pork (which never got made).

LONG VERSION:
Jo (Billy Zane) and Lily (Joanna Pacula) follow Jane’s (Charlene Tilton) and Detective Balsam’s (Martin Balsam) trail to the Cemetery Motel run by Antonio (Ezio Greggio). They end up staying in the same room that Jane was murdered in and find a letter from her stating that Antonio’s mother, Mrs. Motel (Shelley Winters), was the one who killed her. The next morning, they go into the house next door so Jo can question Antonio about the murders while Lily speaks with Mrs. Motel.

Jo tries to make Antonio confess to being the killer, but they instead get into a goofy fight. In the midst of it, Lily goes down into the basement to find Mrs. Motel. Antonio knocks Jo out and goes searching for Lily. In the basement, Lily finds the supposed rotting corpse of Antonio, and the other Antonio comes in with a knife, but is stopped by Jo.

Now, this is where it gets confusing…

Jo discovers that this Antonio’s face is a mask, so he peels it off to find Mrs. Motel underneath it, and she admits to being the killer as well as Dr. Pizza’s (Dom DeLuise) old protégé, and she hated both him and Antonio. When questioned by Jo, she reveals that she buried both Jane’s body and the $400,000 she stole from her job in a nearby swamp. The Ranger’s wife (Nedra Volz) then appears and says that Jane is still alive, and then she peels off her mask to reveal Jane under it. When she attempts to have a feel-good moment with Lily, Lily tells them all that she isn’t Lily, and sheds her disguise to reveal herself to be Detective Balsam. The Balsam that Mrs. Motel had killed was just a robot duplicate of him. Jane then tells Jo that she still has the $400,000 and that they should split now, but Jo sheds his mask to reveal himself as her boss, Mr. Laurel (Rip Taylor). Balsam tells Jane to return what she stole, but then the Ranger (John Astin) shows up and tells him and Laurel to let her go. Mrs. Motel declares that he isn’t the Ranger, so he wipes his makeup off to reveal himself to be Olaf (Bubba Smith). Olaf wants the money back because he bought an estate from Laurel for that amount of money that turned out to be the very house they are in now. Laurel threatens to call the cops on him, and just then, the gay motorcycle cop (Andre Rosey Brown) appears, but he takes off his disguise to show that he is really the Ranger, and he is actually Mrs. Motel’s brother. He also points out that Antonio had poisoned his mother’s lover out of love for his dead father. Olaf tells everyone that he is leaving with his money, but the false corpse of Antonio gets up and stops him, then removes its disguise to reveal that it is Jo. He tells Olaf that the money is indeed his, but because it is partly due to him that he got it back, he wants a 40% finder’s fee. He then rekindles his relationship with Jane and makes her promise to never fool around again, but she slips Olaf her phone number when Jo isn’t looking (which Olaf promptly tears up). A mummy then appears for no reason and takes off its disguise to show Antonio making out with Lily. Everyone then goes outside to inexplicably find a parade and lots of people around waiting to celebrate a happy ending with them, so they do.

Antonio soon leaves to take a shower, which takes us back to the beginning of the movie where he got stabbed and killed by the mystery assailant. The murderer is first believed to be the spirit of Alfred Hitchcock (Antonio guesses that he did it because he didn’t like how he screwed up Psycho with this movie), but then Alfred removes his mask to reveal himself to be Dr. Pizza. He laughs and leaves, and the movie ends with the camera focusing on Antonio’s body – which is sporting a funny face – and a movie poster behind him advertising Ezio Greggio’s next spoof movie Jurassic Pork (which never got made).